Her Big Belly

As she sits on her lazy chair, fully inclined, tummy protuding, less than a month to go before the Big Day arrives... Eight months pregnant with her second son. She looks through the big glass doors, over the balcony, a breathtaking view of the viridian green river Isere. Yellow orange tones of the soon falling leaves of trees edging the riviere reflects on the calm water. She ponders about what will be, what has been and what is.

She's not going to fill her first input with telling thoughts of how she finds certain behaviours, reactions and non-reactions appallingly culture clashing. After all, she is a Malaysian Malay coming from a strangely semi-conservative family. Breaking away from a three decade bubble was a daring move, but the challenge was entering into another extreme. The French extreme. So, what's wrong with them? Nothing. They are what they are. They do what they have always been doing. So, what is she not happy with when everyone else in the world worships them? We will soon discover in the following days, the following blog pages...

In the meantime, today is about combatting stress. She seeks the calm, the quiet, the serenity. Having a 14 month old son screaming in her ears throughout the day does not help in her quest for peace. Being heavy and fatigued by the extra weight does not make it any better. Living in a country that she uncommonly regards as being "hostile" makes it even worst. How can the word hostile be used to describe a people, a country that everyone seems to envy? Well, this IS how she feels. Unwelcomed. Could it be that it is because she came from a former English colony? Could it be because she does not have the command of the only language used in this country (French)? Could it be because she is stubborn by nature? Could it be because she herself has lost her strong cultural roots? Could it be because she is afraid? Could it be because she has only known France in a pregnancy-induced hormonally imbalanced state?

As the mental battle between love and hate consumes her, time continues to tick and every minute of struggle is sadly lost to oblivion instead of savouring the positive many.

Her big belly continues to grow. Her confidence diminishing. Perhaps tomorrow will be a better day.