My grandpa, Tok, was born on the 17th of May, they year 1921. I didn't even know that he was also a Taurus, born on the same month as me - until I was told of his birth date on the day he died. There were a lot of things that I didn't know, and still don't know about my Tok. Fond memories of him still floats lovingly within my thoughts and the best quality about him remains - he was a gentle, kind man who spoke English very well. I didn't remember my childhood with grandparents who smothered over me. I didn't remember a grandpa who would take me fishing or play kite. I do remember a grandpa who was soft spoken, and spoke caringly about how to lead one's life. There were many laughs, but as it was such a long time ago, the subject-matters are blurry. I do remember being extremely sad when it was time to return home from our many visits to my kampung, Kuala Kangsar.
Tok lead a simple but complicated life. He had always been overshadowed by my late grandma who came from an aristocratic background. They married the usual way, by arrangement by both families. He had worked as a health officer for the district and this was reflected obviously by his image - he always wore clean, crisply ironed short-sleeved clear-coloured chemises and grey pantalons, his black hair with not a trace of grey, would be neatly sleeked back with Brylcreem, his secret to healthy hair.
His simplicity took a complex turn when he reached his senior age. He married a relative, years younger than him, which was obviously arranged by the more senior members of the family. A daughter resulted in this union, my half-aunty, whom I have never met till this day. This polygamous marriage had strong objections by his first family. But no one dared to ask him, what REALLY jolted him to make such a drastic decision - disappointing and above all hurting his first wife, my grandmother? My grandma had always called him "heart" (pronounced "haad"). But unfortunately, we assume, that was the extend of their loving expression of each other. Poor communication, lack of expressiveness, and limitive culture and religion prevented a healthy, thriving marital relationship.
That was the fate of my grandparents. Silence almost killed everything.
I loved my grandpa and grandma. But until now, I wish I had a more re-active grandparents.
The last time I saw them was in 2007.
May they rest in peace.
Below is where they used to live and the recurrent house in most of my dreams.
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